Easy way out – 19

Let’s talk about the big S word. 

No not sex.

Suicide.

I feel like too many people are willing to open themselves up to the conversations about mental illness but shy away as soon as suicide is mentioned.

It’s like the Voldemort of mental health.

I don’t think people are willing to accept that their are others that think about doing something so awful on a daily basis.

People have this idea of what mental illness is like. People with anxiety don’t want to interact with others and they worry a lot. People with depression stay in bed most of the day. Bipolar makes your moods switch from one extreme to the other and so on. People don’t seem to quite grasp that suicidal thoughts go hand in hand with all of this. Even if they are just a small passing thought, they’re still there.

As someone who has struggled with my mental health for many years I have had numerous thoughts and a couple of attempts at taking my own life. 

I’ve put in the research I know how I would do it and how long it would take. That’s a scary thing to admit to myself in all honesty.

I used to think I was so weak because I wasn’t successful in my attempts but I’ve since realised that I’m anything but weak. The fact that I am here today sharing my experiences is such a big deal.

I feel like with the recent hype of 13 Reasons Why (like I said before, great show) peoples ideas that suicide is just for melodramatic, selfish people have grown. 

She didn’t kill herself because of one petty reason, she was suffering and with every person that pushed her away the suffering grew. I can completely relate to that, as I’m sure many others can.

I hear too often that suicide is the easy way out, the cowards way of coping but that’s not even a little bit true. Suicide is not easy. It’s not like someone says something mean or we get told off and all of a sudden we decide suicide sounds pretty good. 

If you had any idea at all what kind of thoughts would have to be going through someone’s head for them to think that suicide was the only way out I promise that you will never ever think of it as am easy option again.

I have days where I can’t get out of bed because I am so mentally exhausted. I don’t eat or move for days and I don’t want to talk to anyone. But even when I feel like that my mind doesn’t go to taking my own life. 

Things have to be so awful. Like a constant battle with yourself that you are slowly losing for you to even consider it.

Think of that next time someone comes to you asking for help and you brush it off as being selfish or dramatic.

I guess I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to say, I’m really not good with words.. but I just know things need to change. If we keep this idea that suicide is a selfish act, a cry for attention then those who are suffering are never going to step up and let us know they need help.

I’ve had a couple of people message me and tell me how close they were to taking their lives and to begin with I didn’t think it was healthy because I was battling my own demons, how was I going to help them? But now I feel so thankful that they were brave enough to put their trust in me and talk to me about their struggles.

I’m still fighting my own battles, still having arguments with myself on whether to take my own life but I’ve worked out what makes me happy and what I love most and I think of those things when my thoughts get too dark. 

To anyone out there currently contemplating whether or not to harm themselves please don’t. Talk to someone. Think of all the good in your life, trust me I know how hard that is but it’ll be so worth it in the end.

Just be nice, you never know what’s going on in someone’s head.

– Sammi

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One thought on “Easy way out – 19

  1. It’s often a matter of utter despair, of believing with every ounce of strength you have that it will never, ever get better. I’ve been there too, and it isn’t a pleasant place to be. Thank you for this post—it brings to light something that absolutely should be talked about more openly.

    Liked by 1 person

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